Today is a sad day for me. Five years from today, my mom died of a massive heart attack in our home. I remember the day so vividly, but sometimes have to try really hard to remember anything else of my mom. I was home for the weekend staying in my parents home. She woke up Sunday morning and took my son Alex for awhile so I could sleep. About two hours later, she woke me saying that she was having chest pains. I tried to get her to go to the hospital, but she had been seeing a doctor for over a year regarding those pains and they couldn't figure out what was causing the problems. She collapsed about an hour later.
I feel a great amount of comfort knowing that she is in a better place and that she is happy and healthy. However, it seems that when this day rolls around, I feel sad that she is not here and that my son will never know what a wonderful grandma he had. She missed my sister and my brother graduating from high school and I feel terrible for the both of them that they didn't have her there for their ceremonies. I think about all of the other milestones she will miss like graduations, weddings, birthdays and just all of the other everyday joys that occur. My mom had a heart of gold and would have given away everything she had to make someone else happy. She was often take for granted by those around her, including myself, but one of the things I admired most about my mom was that she always tried to see the best in people. I feel robed of watching her grow old and be able to enjoy being a grandma but have to have faith that she is somewhere watching over us. I do feel blessed to have three wonderful aunts - Kathy, Joellen, and Jean who have watched over me and my family in my mother's absence, but days like today are still hard.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Sad day
Posted by Amanda at 11:35 AM
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9 comments:
My parents are still living, but my grandmother, whom I was very close to, died a little more than eight years ago. When my son was a newborn, and my husband and I were rocking him to sleep, my son would often stare up at the ceiling and smile. I think my grandma was looking down on us from heaven and smiling at him. I'm sure your mother is looking down on you and your son from heaven and smiling.
Oh Amanda! This brought tears to my eyes. I cannot imagine how you must feel, maybe a slight bit of emptiness without your mother around. My heart goes out to you. You are a very strong person and I envy you for that. I do believe in angels and I know she is watching over you and Alex. I lost my Grandmother, whom I was very close to as well, about 6-7 yrs ago...and that was hard. I cannot imagine losing my mother at such a young age. Stay strong and know that you have many friends and family who care and love you for who you are. xoxo
So sad. That would be so hard.
We've experienced deaths of grandparents and aunts and friends, but never a parent.
Good to see you in Mr. Movies tonight. Feel free to comment on my blog anytime you like.
Did you get your picture figured out?
P.S. Here is my blog address
www.blogginwithlori.blogspot.com
Feel free to add me to your list.
Do you mind if I add your name to my list of Daily Reads?
Thank-you all for the comments. I really appreciate all of your kind words and stories. Losing a parent is very difficult but yet, part of what most of us will face at some point. My maternal grandparents are still living and as a parent, I think that they suffered a great loose. I can't imagine loosing a child.
Lori - yes, please do add me and I will add you as well. I haven't had a chance to look at the picture thing but I hope to do it at some point today.
We've had many talks about this subject... it's one of the many things that we have in common. It may sound odd, but I envy the way you lost your mom. I had to watch my mom die for 6 months so many of my memories are "sick mom" memories. I know that day's memories are the strong, but be comforted that it was fast because the most heart-wrenching thing about losing my mom was knowing for months that is was happenening and being totally helpless. Nothing dulls the pain on the anniversaries that are reached, all we can do is take comfort knowing that they are able to help us, guide us, watch over us and will always love us and protect us as much as they can.
"Perhaps they are not stars in the sky but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy."
Lori - I think I figured it out!
K - maybe now
I can't imagine going through this but it's made you into a stronger person for yourself and Alex. Your mom is watching down from above every minute of the day.
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